Hey guys welcome back - this is episode 3 and if you’re listening to this after the time it was recorded just a quick update we are at the time of this recording currently in quarantine like much of the globe. It’s March 29 so we are right in the middle of it in Las Vegas as the governor deployed the order March 16 for 30 days.
I will admit that I didn’t take this as serious back in January when my wife first brought it up. She had concerns from the beginning because a) she’s smarter than me and b) she has an autoimmune disorder and is also on a medication for it that further suppresses her immune system putting her in the at-risk population. So we have always been pretty proactive with the hand sanitizer while out in public also by not letting just anyone into our home, esp if they’re sick along with not going to certain places because of it. For example Walmart trips are usually my responsibility. Not to mention the fact that just the flu alone would land her in the ICU.
I tried to make her feel better, or maybe myself actually now that I think about it, in a pretty inconsiderate way when she brought up how she was more prone to this virus than us due to these facts, by saying that it appears we all have something to worry about. I didn’t mean it to be offensive nor did she take it that way, or didn’t make it obvious at least cuz she’s more thoughtful than me at times, most of the time lets be real, I was simply trying to express that I felt we are all in this together. And although we all are, I still feel pretty shitty for my response, it came across as tho I was minimizing it.
As we went into February tho I did start to get pretty anxious by all the info she was telling me after she would get home from work and started stocking up on non perishable food and even bought a bidet off of amazon. Which was only $40 at the time but has now shot up by $100 so I’m happy she suggested it so now we can’t find toilet paper to save our lives, or our asses specifically. This was before all of the madness with the large majority of the community amped up and by the time we actually needed to restock just our regular supply of lysol, sanitizer, and toilet paper the hoarding had begun. So thank god we acted on the bidet prior and did have a bunch of mini hand sanitizers stashed through the house and the garage. Also I brought home all of my gloves and masks from the spa from that I normally use as an esthetician and lash artist so I had those in my supply storage and now we we make essential future store runs otherwise it would not be good.
I don’t even feel comfortable going out in public even if I’m alone and coming back for fear I will bring it into the house despite all of these precautions. I literally strip down in the garage and Lysol myself. We lysol the grocery bags and put them in the trash outside. We sanitize anything we touch including credit cards and cash. We try not to even make these runs unless it’s absolutely necessary and a lot of things I use to think necessary and I couldn’t function without have become non essentials.
Much like the status of our business. Its a non essential and we shut down immediately. I knew we were going to get shut down it was only a matter of time but no one else in our spa including the higher ups wanted to believe it as a possibility. Maybe just to give us hope but I knew it was coming and I started reaching out to my clients 2 weeks before the order even came down to let them know if they had traveled recently or showed any remote signs of a cough or what could be mistaken as allergies that I could not risk taking their appointment and I know that may have confused or annoyed them at that point in time but I slowly had to start closing my books regardless.
By the time we finally got the group text from our landlord that we would not be operating any more per the governor I had not been not working for almost a week anyways. It gave me anxiety and made me sad but I knew it was the right choice and when I got that text it only confirmed it. I did not feel many others in the spa were taking it as serious and were really more concerned about $ which confused me a little as the majority of them were massage therapists and that is some serious direct contact - although as an esthetician & lash artist We are in each other’s faces for an hour or more which is why I was so concerned to begin with.
I can’t lie and say I was not being judge-mental and I do feel bad about that because I know not everyone is in a place financially to weather a storm such as this. Not everyone has a rainy day fund-everyone’s situation is different and I definitely had to do an inventory over this, although I felt the judgement went both ways while they looked at me crazy when I went the spa the last few weeks with gloves and a mask and keeping a good amount of distance from everyone while I began to start taking stuff home. That’s not my place to be overly concerned about but I do have empathy and realize their judgement may have been their way of reconciling their own decisions at the time. As were mine. As are all of our judgements. In my opinion.
But ya being completely transparent there were times I could literally feel the judgement- like in a physical sense -and in my head I would lash back with thoughts like “are you fkn stupid? Don’t you realize how serious this potentially is? I guess you don’t value your or your families lives, or your clients. What’s the point of worrying about paying bills first & foremost if you’re not alive anyways”… We would get laughed at when doing store runs initially and I put up my middle finger more than once that’s for sure. Not my proudest moment. By the time we had to make another one the majority of the patrons were -surprise surprise….wearing masks and gloves. And I definitely felt a sense of satisfaction both positively & negatively. Hey I’m in recovery but I can still be a real mcasshole even if for the most part I try keep it to myself.
Unlike so many esthetician’s, stylists, and massage therapists during this time our landlord and the entire building were blessed by having our rent forgiven for at least a month. It was actually the first part of the text we received from our wonderful landlord. I was under the impression that nationwide it would be the same for everyone, as property owners would be given forgiveness on their loans and mortgages for at least a month but in a lot of the Facebook groups I’m involved in in the world of esthetics I’m seeing two different stories. Some are saying that it’s illegal for anyone to be evicted , others are saying that even if they were given a deferment they would be forced to pay it back eventually -which in my opinion is a contradiction of what a deferment is. I’ve even read that there’s a resource where you can look up to see if your landlord received a deferment option or covid-19 assistance and if in fact they accepted it yet still enforced rent or eviction that they could be reported, so I’m a little confused by the insistence that many renters have zero recourse. I can’t help but feel they may just want to validate their position but again it’s not my place nor do I have all of the facts.And I’ve been punched in the head a lot so that’s my main excuse if I’m misunderstanding. And Thats kinda my go-to anyways.
I realize we are in a unique position and are very fortunate and both of us have savings, my spa suite rent is exceptionally low for the area in which we operate in Las Vegas, also my wife has been given the option to work from home. I was personally experiencing a lot of anxiety over the fact that I had just invested in some new equipment & supplies right before all of this happened and I was tempted to return it. But I’m lucky my wife has been a serious voice of reason during this time. She said not to worry about that, and now more than ever I try to listen to her as she usually ends up being right. Something that probably would have annoyed the hell out of me in the past but I’m totally good with it right now. Check back in on that in the future tho haha.
I can’t help but be offended and a little disappointed when I have clients and potentially new clients ask if I could perform services out of my home or at theirs under the radar. They are tactful but in my head I’m still judging them for not only being inconsiderate of me possibly having my license revoked as a result , but also potentially exposing themselves and me and my immune suppressed spouse. I do not want clients like that. It’s a hard place for me to be in.
I’m torn between being pissed and having empathy on a consistent basis right now. The roller coaster of emotions is real as I’m sure it is for everyone. I understand to an extent as I’m also frustrated with my lashes, hair, & nails but it’s nothing I can’t or haven’t dealt with before. I have to remember I’ve been in places during my life where I was entitled and inconsiderate as well, and also I’ve been in a place at one time, or two, where I couldn’t even afford these luxuries and have had to go without them and life went on just fine. But many ppl do not see them as luxuries or non essentials despite them by law being categorized as such. Because despite it being my entire business and my stance on skincare being essential, when in the face of a situation as dire as this I have to admit that sorry-alot of these things are in fact luxuries.
There are people out there that have never had to go without anything they felt they needed, so this ironically might be a little harder to come to terms with than the rest of us. All of our lives have taken different paths in regards to sacrifice and hardship, although I can’t help but feel those of us in recovery know what it means to truly face adversity. When we are going through it a lot of the time it’s hard to see the gift that it is until we come up against another one such as this and see how we can handle it with a little more grace and patience than those who have never experienced anything this heavy. We know what it means to make hard choices in the face of fear, to sacrifice, to suffer, in some cases many of us facing near death experiences, having to climb out of deep dark holes we did not think we would survive through, and isolating ourselves by choice or by our choices, you know- like the drunk tank or jail sentences. I feel we have an advantage in this area as ironic as that sounds.
What I do worry about in our sobriety community are those that are newcomers or have the tendency to isolate like so many of us did during our active addiction and alcoholism. I’ve been active in zoom meetings but for some of us this is not enough. There are serious implications since isolating isn’t healthy for our community in general and a lot of us are really good at it unfortunately. I have found silver linings in the fact that I love zoom meetings from the comfort of my home, my entire direct family is sober or in the program, and we function pretty good as a unit that tends to be a little more on the antisocial end of the spectrum. And we do get along great during long periods of time at home. I realize this may not be the norm for others and just as I have empathy for those in my profession that don’t have these same gifts I’ve been so fortunate to receive, I feel the same towards those in the recovery & sobriety space. Naturally I want to fix and control people & situations and it’s been something I’ve had to work on during this time for sure.
As far as how we operate at home I gta say despite the boredom & restlessness from not being able to operate in my very hands on business and generate any income, it’s been pretty smooth. We love being home even when things are optimal in our world both work and social wise. We’re those prople that hesitate leaving home for any reason and can’t wait to get back. We love being in each others company. Our goal has always been to work from home if I’m being honest. So I try to remember that, and see this as an opportunity to pivot and adapt as much as possible.
For example I have had time to start this podcast after I had already invested in an amazing course specifically for it and had already started accruing the equipment a few months prior but had not been managing the time it took to prioritize it. And to be honest I procrastinated due to the anxiety that came with even thinking about it. Now I am able to move forward with it and for that , among many other things, I am grateful. There are so many things I have found to be grateful for during this time. I try to pretend this might be how our lives would be in retirement aside from Jess working from home m-th, and how We do this is how We would do that so of course it’s my goal to make it as productive yet also as relaxing and enjoyable as possible.
This is our new norm for now and could be for a while so practicing acceptance and gratitude is as important as ever. I’m grateful we operate and function so well as a family and as team. I feel sad and at some times scared for those that are not in this same position as the inevitability of domestic violence and child abuse and neglect will be heightened right now. Teachers who are sometimes the sole advocates for our children do not have access to them and will not be able to deploy social workers when there are signs of abuse. I cannot imagine how they’re feeling right, now especially how the children are coping in what in some cases are extremely violent and toxic environments with zero escape, protection, or assistance. It’s heartbreaking and I can’t help but feel helpless and guilty for the many privileges we have here at home.
Jess is definitely taking the time to log some serious gaming hours at on her days off. I’m actually pretty jealous how her and my son are able to have that as a pass time honestly. Mine is actually my job. I love my work and I know this is also something not everyone can say. The $ is great also and I do miss feeling like a provider as I do not have the option of unemployment as it would only take a hit towards my tax season next year as an LLC, but I honestly just love my job, and doing hands on gives me so much fulfillment and satisfaction. I love making a difference in my clients skin and appearance and experiencing their gratitude from our time together. I miss that a lot .
I battle with feeling useless and unimportant more than normal right now. Pretty much everyday. I feel like a failure that only my wife is in the position of providing currently - she downs make me feel that way at all its just my own manufacturing. I feel like a failure for not being able to meet my clients needs. I feel scared that the ones that I do have and have had to turn away will find another esthetician or lash artist that are willing to take the risk. And although deep down I know that this is the best and only real option I have And I tell myself and my wife I would not want clients like that anyways, I cant help but feel apprehension over it. What if I lose all of them? I only barely opened here in Las Vegas a month before corona virus hit us. And prior to that we only lived here only 6 mo and I had to work very hard to accumulate the clients I have without having the resource of family or community connections and networking which I had back in Idaho. It’s been a grind and a challenge I’m willing to take on time and again but I can’t help but feel it’s all been taken off the table despite the beauty industry community insisting that after this we will be busier than ever.
The what-if’s still linger. What if we don’t bounce back? What if my small little business does not attract new clients as I’m not a storefront and the competition to be seen sometimes feels insurmountable. I can’t help but sometimes feel sorry for myself and somewhat a victim. I don’t want to have these types of feelings in this space but they’re there and I have to find solutions for them while being patient and forgiving of myself and others. Also something that has for the majority of my life not been my strong point.
While I’ve attempted somewhat to extend my product lines to my small email list and local Facebook marketplace I have not had as much interest as I had hoped even with the offering of some serious savings of Giftcards and at home facial and skincare kits with freebies and free delivery or shipping. I do plan to put these on my website however they came out so cute and clutch. But I don’t feel comfortable coming across salesy in an atmosphere of worry over finances for those that may be in worse situations as us. I’m more so concerned about them losing the progress we have made in their skincare programs.
Right now I am having to focus on finding this time as a blessing in which I have to be more resourceful and find a new path in which online sales would be something I can add as a stream of revenue. Something I never thought about, or at least did not think it would be something I was capable of. As I’m navigating that new landscape I’m trying to be in service in other ways such as hopefully inspiring and giving free advice and content to help my current and future clients and community with zero sales involved. I simply want to be of service to those that need it while I try to find a way of monetizing things that are appropriate for the appropriate audience. I know it will be in my future and I have to have faith and stay focused in the meanwhile.
I hope that’s what many of you are doing or will be doing in the near future. I hope that you are all vigilant in your search for silver linings and are able to recognize them and the many gifts that come from this time that can be so difficult and look so different for each and every one of us. I hope you are resorting to creativity, resilience, abundance and gratitude over everything else.
Especially when times are hard are these ideals more important than ever. I hope you’re checking in with yourself and your community, your sponsors and sponsees even when you would rather not and are focusing more so on what you can give rather than what you receive. This is a prime opportunity to deploy the very foundation of our program which is being of service. Not only to others but also to ourselves. Reach out. But also reach out to ask for help. You would be giving someone else the opportunity to be of service by doing so. And just like we have to continue to invest in our economy by supporting small businesses and entrepreneurs, we also have to invest back into our sobriety by both offering and asking for support to keep it alive and healthy.
I hope you found some comfort or inspiration in today’s podcast and content and I also hope that you’re staying safe and healthy in every way, and when you’re not to reach out in any way that you can even when you don’t want to. Feel free to contact me even if you have come across this episode after this time in our history is over with any questions, concerns, or takeaways you may have.
Remember that you are not alone, and we did not come this far to only come this far.
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